Debra

This post comes with great heart. Not because I have a strong opinion of this but because I have a genuine, real, true idea of what this statement is about. I am not sure where my opinion is? Though inside its a real feeling so I guess I want to talk about it.

You may not know; but my husband and I started a family of 4 very quickly. I fell pregnant with my 2nd child when our first born daughter was 4 months old. EEK! Well it is what it is and Im utterly finished but out of this journey came my precious son.

No two/three/four/five children and so on … can ever get loved any more than the other. Yet I know first hand of a bond you get with each child that differs from that, that perhaps your spouse has with them. And I think that’s alright actually.

When our children were born we lived in a 2 bedroom place and for the 1st year of my sons life, he shared a room with me. I don’t care what you say about that because I loved it and it was practical … Did this mean we were closer together than my first-born? Does this mean he has ‘become mommies boy’ out of pure convenience? I think that because of the closeness in our children’s birth dates, my husband and I had to divide attention as we still had a baby girl running around and so her needs had to be met too. It was not as if she was older and could understand.

My son and I are close. We have our moments that no one else understands. Surely this is normal. To any parent. At any moment of parenting.

I have only 2 children so I have no say on what the dynamic can be like if you have more than 2 children to parent! So with my family of 4 I can say dad and daughter are best mates but mom and daughter are pretty close lovers of each other too. Dad and son had their bond later as dad was having to play the main role in our first daughters life but the bond son and dad share now is pretty gorgeous of you ask me. Mom and son have a bond. No one can deny it… But I think it is about being aware of that boundary where no one parent must get overly obsessive about the child’s emotions, behavior and choices.

A good friend of mine noticed when her youngest son (of 3 children) went to boarding school that she had a wrong bond with him. I guess you never know you there until you really there. But I think with the experiences of certain key things, she noticed that she was in fact not allowing the son freedom nor for herself. She had to let go of things and it was painful. No one ever wants to think you have unhealthy bond with family or friends. But the truth is it happens and its only once years go by that you notice these strong holds or these unhealthy patterns. This by the way does not make you a terrible person. It makes you real. WE are real people with real emotions. So don’t feel like you anything less. It is good to be aware of these little foxes that spoil the vineyard. {Songs of Solomon 2:15}

Single parents are prone to this and so are divorced families. Maybe because there are emotional changes so, in saying that, any family is prone to this. I guess being aware of this ‘mommies boy’ persona is not bad. And knowing how to place good boundaries on your relationships with your son, be a mom or a dad, is important. Boys wont always want to be mothered. Soon they will flee the nest and you will be left feeling terrible because your heart aches just too much. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a healthy ache. But when it brings fear, too much sadness or irritability then perhaps there is an element of too strong a bond.

Man its difficult! Parenting is NOT for the fainthearted … But I know with all MY heart that parenting is designed by God and He can lead you into a rich, healthy and blessed relationship with your son without feeling like you can’t let go of them.

Conclusion: I’m not sure if I am heading into being THAT mom (the mom that gives you a hard time because you dating his son and he is too good for you) But I sure want to be THE mom that gives her son the thumbs up and a big smile because he scored a try at the rugby match, and he looked to you the minute he did it; and then you allow him to lap up the glory and enjoy it with his dad and friends because you just know in your heart there is no need for pulling at him. There is a respect and honor there – both ways. I want to be the mom that gives my son freedom and security all in the same moment ♥ Don’t you?

I will never ever forget the day she was born. There she was open to the love I have for her. Her skin pale and hair slightly orange with a curl to it. I remember wondering why she looks nothing like me. 3 years have passed and she is nothing like when she was born. Physically she has blond straight hair & blue eyes though she still looks at you with those knowing eyes. Internally she holds a key to such wisdom and maturity that even I get baffled by her responses. No matter what you feel on the day of birth; overwhelmed, scared, happy; nothing can prepare you for the ongoing attraction you have for your child. Each day an inner beauty is portrayed to you. Each day you get to have the privilege of getting to know this gift you received. The inner beauty they have is nothing like you could have ever imagined. Treasure those moments when they display their inner self to you. That vulnerable essence.